Hey Shorty Cakes

So, Starbucks has this perfect autumnal treat- the Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffin- that I decided to try my hand at replicating because 1. I’m broke and 2. I’m bored.

Also, it happened to be Lydia’s birthday this week, and what better occasion for experimental muffins than a fall birthday? And if you know Lydia, you know that her third favorite thing in the world is Starbucks and fourth is their hazelnut mocha.

Plus, scratch versions of fast food treats? Always a good idea.

Not that these are in any way healthy. To quote my mother as they were baking, “It smells like butter in here, Paula Deen.”

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

Take 2 cups flour and combine with ¼ tsp cinnamon, ¼ tsp nutmeg, ¼ tsp salt, ¼ tsp baking soda, and ½ tsp baking powder. Sit to the side. Cream 1 ½ sticks butterwith 1 cup of sugar. Add 3 eggs, 1 at a time, blending throughly after each. Add 1 tsp vanilla. Add the flour mix and 1/2 cup milk, alternating each between mixing, ending on the flour. Fold in 3/4 can of pumpkin puree, making sure to blend throughly. Now in another bowl, blend 1/2 block of cream cheese with 1/2 stick of butter. Add 4 tsps condensed milk and 6 tablespoons powdered sugar. Blend until creamy; add more condensed milk if too dry, powdered sugar if too wet. Spoon pumpkin batter into a lined muffin pan. Top each with a teaspoon of cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle with raw, shelled pumpkin seeds. Bake for 12 minutes at 350 degrees. Makes about 24 muffins.

This past weekend was the boyfriend’s birthday, so I decided to make a batch of cupcakes that my grandmother has been getting on my back to make ever since she bestowed the recipe upon me. Better Than Sex cake was the cake she made for her friends’ birthdays back in the day. I remember eating it when I was little, but being too embarrassed to say the name of it and blushing whenever I saw the recipe on her refrigerator. But as a twenty-something woman, I asked for the recipe, and to quote my grandmother, “It’s your job to make that cake now. I’m retiring.”

There are a lot of different Better Than Sex cake recipes out there. I’ve seen recipes with caramel, toffee, and Paula Deen has one with pineapple. But this recipe is a classic fudgy chocolate cake with pecans and one of my favorite vanilla frostings. It’s not my go-to chocolate cake (Guinness Chocolate Cake is the current fave). It’s a bit too decadent and brownie-ish for everyday consumption, but it’s always a special occasion in my home when I decide to make it.

*Disclaimer: I feel weird about using pre-packaged foods when baking and mystery ingredients that have the same name in multiple languages (Cool Whip), but this is my one exception. This cake is too good to get finicky about. And yes, Cool Whip still scares me. Let’s move on.

Better Than Sex Cake

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Take 2 tablespoons of chocolate cake mix (Duncan Hines Devil’s Food is my favorite) and coat 12 oz chocolate chips and 3/4 cup of chopped pecans (or walnuts). Place on the side. Mix the rest of the cake mix with 4 eggs, a 1/2 cup of oil, 1/4 cup of water, 1 cup of sour cream, 1 teaspoon of vanilla, and 1 package of instant chocolate pudding. Fold in the nuts and chocolate chips. Bake for 20 minutes.

For the frosting, whip together 1 package of instant vanilla pudding with 1 cup of milk. Add about a 1/2 cup (or more) of powdered sugar. Let sit for a few minutes to set. Fold in a 8 oz. package of Cool Whip. Frosting will be loose and won’t set completely, so keep refrigerated.

I found this recipe for Pudding Cake on Epicurious.com while I was searching around for good buttermilk baked goods, and in the process, I discovered that maple soaked raspberries are awesome. I mean, really, just go get some raspberries, cover them in real maple syrup, let them sit in the fridge, and then shove them in your face. Even if you don’t want to deal with the pudding cake, just give the raspberries a try. I even found golden raspberries, which were a little more tart, but worth the experience.

Buttermilk Pudding Cake

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter a shallow baking dish.

Whisk together 1/4 cup all-purpose flour and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a large bowl. Melt and cool a ½ stick of butter. Mix together 1 1/3 cups well-shaken buttermilk,the butter, 3 large egg yolks, and 1/3 cup sugar in a separate bowl, then stir into the flour mixture.

Beat the 3 left over egg whites with an electric mixer at medium speed until frothy. Increase speed to medium-high and add remaining 1/3 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, beating until whites hold stiff peaks. (Mine didn’t quite hold a peak- I think I added too much sugar too fast- but it still worked out.) Stir about one third of whites into batter to lighten, then fold in the remaining whites gently.

Pour batter into baking dish and bake in a water bath (a pain in my butt) until puffed and golden-brown, for 55 minutes. Cool slightly. Toss 1 half pint of red raspberriesand 1 half pint of golden raspberries (if you can find them) with 1/3 cup of pure maple syrup and serve with warm pudding cake. (The cake will be wet and custardy on the bottom; don’t worry about it.)

Yesterday, Angelica, Alyanna and I piled into my Mini Cooper with four days worth of clothes and random crap and headed 400 miles south to Wilmington, North Carolina for Chris and Lydia’s wedding. To commemorate the trip, I baked two dozen muffins to snack on for seven hours. In actuality, the trip took us about six hours, since it’s a little difficult to go less than 80 in a Mini. But anyways, for the six or so hours we spent flying down I-95, we stuffed our faces with Banana Nut and Maple Corn muffins while Alyanna read Cosmo out loud.

The Banana Nut Crumb muffins are always a hit. There’s a ton of butter in them, which makes them a bit like crack. And the Maple Corn muffins taste an awful lot like pancakes. I recommend eating them warm with a little melted butter. We had to eat them at room temperature, obviously, but with nothing but fast food up and down 95, it’s nice to eat something not fried, even if it’s a little burnt. My bad.

Maple Corn Muffins

Whisk together 1 ¼ cups all-purpose flour with ¼ cup cornmeal, 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. In a separate bowl, lightly beat 1 egg. Add ¾ cup milk, ½ cup maple syrup (I would try a darker syrup; I used a lighter maple and it wasn’t maple-y enough for me) and 3 tablespoons vegetable oil. Stir the mixture into the dry ingredients until moistened. Spoon into muffin pan and bake at 400 degreesfor 10-15 minutes.

Banana Nut Crumb Muffins

Combine 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon baking powder, and ½ teaspoon salt. In a separate bowl, mash 3 ripe bananas. Beat 1 eggand add to the mashed bananas along with ¾ cup sugar. Melt ½ cup butter and add to the banana mix. Add to the dry ingredients. After mixing thoroughly, fold in ¼ cup chopped walnuts. For the topping, mix together 1/3 cup packed brown sugar, 1 tablespoon flour and the leftover stick of cold butter. Use your fingers to combine the butter with the dry ingredients, making a crumble. Spoon the batter into a muffin tin and top with a generous helping of the crumb topping. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.

Now it’s beach time.